Creating Space To Follow, Not Lead

Have you ever asked God for direction when, deep down, you already knew what you wanted Him to say?

I do this more often than I care to admit.

I make a plan. I weigh the options. I think through what makes the most sense. I decide what feels right.

And then I pray.

God, show me what You want me to do.

But if I’m being truthful, sometimes what I really mean is:

God, please confirm what I've already decided.

I've been thinking about this a lot lately because God recently asked me to reconsider something I really didn't want to reconsider.

School.

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Last year, we homeschooled our boys completely at home.

And like most things worth doing, it wasn't perfect.

There were hard days. There were days I questioned myself. There were days when homeschooling felt like one big rollercoaster of emotions.

But there were also really good days.

And somewhere along the way, I became comfortable with our decision.

I felt good about homeschooling. I felt confident that it was what God had asked of us for that season. So as this school year approached, I wasn't really asking God what we should do.

I had already decided.

We were going to homeschool again.

But God.

Just when I had gotten comfortable with the plan, I started feeling like God was asking me to consider something different.

And I didn't want to.

I liked the plan we had.

It was familiar.

I knew what to expect.

I had already pictured what another year of homeschooling would look like.

Changing direction meant letting go of the year I had already created in my mind.

And yet, the more I prayed, the more I sensed God asking me to loosen my grip on my plan.

I've wondered how often we do this.

We ask God to lead us, but only in the direction we've already decided we want to go.

We ask Him for wisdom while quietly hoping He'll confirm our preference.

We say, "Your will be done," while holding tightly to what we think His will should be.

But what happens when God's answer is different from ours?

Acts 16:6-10
And they went through the region of Phrygia and Galatia, having been forbidden by the Holy Spirit to speak the word in Asia. And when they had come up to Mysia, they attempted to go into Bithynia, but the Spirit of Jesus did not allow them. So, passing by Mysia, they went down to Troas. And a vision appeared to Paul in the night: a man of Macedonia was standing there, urging him and saying, “Come over to Macedonia and help us.” And when Paul had seen the vision, immediately we sought to go on into Macedonia, concluding that God had called us to preach the gospel to them.

Paul and his friends were traveling and preaching the gospel. They attempted to go into Asia, but Scripture tells us the Holy Spirit prevented them.

So they changed directions.

Then they tried to enter Bithynia.

Again, the Spirit wouldn't allow them to go.

Eventually Paul received a vision of a man from Macedonia asking him to come and help them.

So Paul went.

What’s interesting to me about this passage is that Paul wasn't trying to do something wrong.

He was trying to preach the gospel!

His plan was good.

His intentions were good.

His desire was good.

And God still said,

Not there.

Not now.

Go this way instead.

I think sometimes we assume that if something is good, it must automatically be what God wants for us.

But a good plan can still be the wrong assignment for this season.

And maybe one of the hardest parts of following God is allowing Him to redirect something we were completely convinced was right.

What God Asked Before May Not Be What He's Asking Now
 This has probably been the biggest realization for me.

I genuinely believe homeschooling was what God asked of our family last year.

But I was beginning to treat yesterday's direction as today's answer.

And those aren't necessarily the same thing.

Sometimes we become so attached to the last thing God told us to do that we leave no room for Him to tell us something new.

Maybe God called you into something for a season.

Maybe He opened a door.

Maybe He provided an opportunity.

Maybe He clearly led you somewhere.

And maybe now He's asking you to hold it loosely enough that He can lead you again.

That's hard.

Because when God has been faithful somewhere, staying there feels safe.

We know that place.

We've seen Him work there.

We've built routines there.

We've become comfortable there.

But following God means following God, not simply following the last set of directions He gave us.

Paul couldn't stay where God had previously worked just because ministry there was good.

He had to keep listening.

And so do we.

Being Settled Isn't the Same as Being Excited 

As I write this, the school year is approaching.

And I'm still anxious.

I wish I could tell you that once we made the decision, every uncertainty disappeared.

It didn't.

This isn't necessarily the decision I would have chosen.

I'm not standing on the other side yet, able to point to all the reasons God redirected us.

I don't know exactly what this school year will look like.

But I do feel settled in my heart that this is what God is asking us to do.

And I'm learning that being settled isn't the same thing as being excited.

Peace doesn't always mean we suddenly love the answer.

Sometimes peace simply means we've stopped fighting God over it.

We can be nervous and obedient.

We can be disappointed and obedient.

We can wonder how it's all going to work and still be obedient.

We can even say,

God, this isn't what I would choose. But I trust You more than I trust myself.

Have I Left Room for God to Change My Mind? 

That's the question I'm learning to ask.

Not simply: What do I want?

Or even: What makes the most sense?

But: God, have I left enough room for You to change my mind?

What if He asks you to stay when you want to leave?

What if He asks you to leave when you want to stay?

What if He asks you to say yes when you've already decided no?

What if He asks you to release something that was once clearly His provision?

What if He changes a plan you've spent months making?

What if His answer simply isn't the one you wanted?

Surrender isn't giving God a vote in our plans. It's giving Him the final say.

That is the invitation for us this month.

Take the decision you've already made.

The future you've already imagined.

The outcome you've already decided would be best.

And place it back in His hands.

Not because your plan is necessarily wrong.

Not because God is definitely going to change it.

But because we want to become people who are willing to follow wherever He leads.

Creating Space

I wish I could write the ending of this story for you.

Maybe six months from now I'll look back and understand exactly why God redirected our family.

Maybe I won't.

Paul didn't know everything waiting for him in Macedonia when he changed course. He simply knew God had closed one door and was directing him toward another.

Right now, that's where I am too.

I don't know exactly what waits on the other side of this decision.

I just know that I asked God what He wanted.

And when His answer seemed different from mine, I had a choice.

I could keep asking until I heard the answer I wanted.

Or I could trust Him.

So this month, creating space looks a little different.

It's simply opening our hands and praying:

God, this is what I want. But I want what You want more.

A Prayer For Surrender

Father, I confess that sometimes I ask for Your direction when I've already decided where I want to go. Forgive me for the times I've confused my preferences with Your plans. Give me a heart that is willing to be redirected. When You close a door I wanted open, help me trust You. When You ask me to change course, give me the courage to obey. When Your answer doesn't look like mine, remind me that You see what I cannot see. Help me hold my plans loosely and hold tightly to You. I don't need to know exactly where the road leads. I just want to know that I'm following You.
This is what I want, Lord. But I want what You want more.
Amen.